Dynamic relationships within the dance community - whether with close friends, casual acquaintances, or dancers we've never actually met - can be either wellsprings of delight or wallows of frustration. Conflicts happen. People take sides. Learning and growing get lost in the shuffle, particularly when conflicts overshadow the classroom. Even in the best of times, the teacher-student dynamic is also complicated by unconscious psychological projections by one or both sides.  Of course, there are the usual ego or power struggles to contend with ...and the heat's ON!

club dance

A good "dynamic relationship" is PRO-active, not RE-active. That means taking positive, affirmative steps toward compassionate communication when conflicts arise instead of getting sucked into the energy-depleting whirlwind of acting/reacting or attacking/defending. We can start becoming PRO-active by using the tensions within our own circle of friends and acquaintances to learn and practice conflict resolution skills. From there, we can take our newly acquired skills into the larger community.

Interpersonal relationships fascinate me, and leading a troupe has taught me much about getting along with people. I cherish the learning experiences I have had with various students and troupe members, even when these experiences were difficult at the time.

For example, not long after forming my troupe, conflicts arose between two members. I quickly realized we needed clear guidelines to resolve such issues before the negative aftereffects disrupted the efforts of the entire troupe. So I began to research group dynamics, conflict resolution and methods to recognize and deal with difficult people, and I formulated a policy. The main points are:

Double Club dance in Raks ? attire

Identify the primary goal: "To promote positive interaction and professionalism among troupe members.

These statements may sound like no-brainers, but hostility between two antagonistic people quickly leads to a remarkable lack of courtesy. So the implementation of a respectful behavior policy gives troupe members a clear understanding that rudeness will not be tolerated.

Even within an atmosphere of courtesy, misunderstandings and conflicts can still occur. In those instances, the following "3-Step Conflict Resolution" method can be applied and it describes my role as a troupe leader:

1. Speak to the person privately at a time when you are both ready and willing to listen to each other; try to work toward a resolution or compromise about the problem. We hope most of our misunderstandings and conflicts will be resolved at this point, but if the problem continues, go to Step 2.
2. Ask an impartial troupe member (a full member, not an apprentice) to be with you when you have another conversation with the person. This impartial member can serve either as a silent witness or as an active participant to help bridge the communication gap by confirming what each of you is asking or telling the other. You may even want to make notes of specific points as written verification of the decisions.
3. If both parties are still experiencing conflict after Step 2, bring it up during the "business" portion of a troupe meeting, but let the troupe leader know beforehand so enough time will be allotted on the meeting agenda.  (Note: The problem may resolve itself at this point. If not, I will take full responsibility for whatever judgment call I make at that time. My position is that only if absolutely necessary, I will always sacrifice "the one" for the good of "the all."

In a nutshell:

In my own troupe, I have successfully used this simple method for about two years. This method has also had some limited success for other people in the troupe. Unfortunately, the members who inspired my creation of these guidelines were gone by the time I completed this project, and our relationships with them have completely dissolved.

For personal conflicts outside of a troupe, Step 3 is not applicable. For example, if two students have trouble getting along, the teacher should not be expected to inconvenience the entire class while the two cohorts-in-conflict work things out. If two people cannot resolve an issue at Step 2, they can "agree to disagree" and coexist peacefully. If that fails, they may need to distance themselves emotionally, mentally, or physically.

Here are some additional communication tips I have found to be useful:

Use of the second person "you" may sound like a personal attack. The immediate response to a statement that begins "You blah, blah, blah..." is defensiveness: a need to justify and explain "why." As a result, nothing gets resolved.