{"id":5213,"date":"2013-10-31T10:58:13","date_gmt":"2013-10-31T17:58:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/?p=5213"},"modified":"2013-10-31T10:58:13","modified_gmt":"2013-10-31T17:58:13","slug":"rebaba-queen-denial-ch14-is-love-the-drug","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/10\/31\/rebaba-queen-denial-ch14-is-love-the-drug\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Love the Drug?"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Queen of Denial, Chapter 14<\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/art60\/graphics60\/rebaba\/RebabaQueenpeekinggirl.jpg\" alt=\"Queen Rebaba on stage, insecure girl peeking out\" width=\"300\" height=\"457\" align=\"right\" \/><\/p>\n<h3>by<strong> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/aboutuspages\/RitaRebaba.htm\">Rebaba<\/a><\/strong><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"footnotes\">posted October 31, 2013<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>\tI will tell you a story  about a young, talented dancer who was a pretty good entertainer and extremely  popular in her particular world of professional belly dancing.\u00a0 On stage she was a princess, a sensual and  sweet Marilyn Monroe-like STAR.\u00a0 The  strong, happy woman she portrayed on stage combined a grace, a sensual  vulnerability and an elegant persona that had everyone fooled.\u00a0 In her world off stage, she was a frightened  little girl, emotionally stunted, insecure, who felt lonely and unloved most of  the time.\u00a0 She longe for true love like  the kind she saw in the movies.\u00a0 She  wanted this &ldquo;true love&rdquo; to be all consuming and passionate, lasting a lifetime,  through thick and thin, and much more.\u00a0 That  &ldquo;no matter what life throws at you we&rsquo;ll be together Baby&rdquo; kind of love she  swooned over in her perfectly romantic dreams and exactly the kind of romance  promised to us via books, magazines and of course the media.\u00a0 All we needed was the right chemistry and  this Hollywood-style type of love would magically appear with a man in tow and  we would both instantly know it was perfect and we were meant for each  other.\u00a0 Our young belly dancer believed  she viewed this romantic notion of love from the audience as a spectator,\u00a0 seemingly close but never close enough to  grab and hold on to for her own.\u00a0  Fortunately for her, she was able to capture an illusion of love another  way, while on stage where it was given to her unconditionally by her  audience.\u00a0 However, the problem was she  believed she only deserved this love as long as she was portraying &ldquo;Rebaba&rdquo;.\u00a0 Therefore, that fleeting onslaught of  unconditional love she experienced nightly on stage wasn&rsquo;t enough to sustain  her for very long.\u00a0 Off stage, as she  changed back into her jeans and t-shirt, she also transformed back into a &ldquo;regular  person&rdquo;, and the power given to her by her audience quickly dissipated leaving  her scared and lonely once more.<\/p>\n<p class=\"highlight\">Every so often a knight  in shining armor would appear for this maladjusted princess of the belly dance  world.\u00a0 Her knights usually came into her  life courtesy of the venues where she performed.\u00a0 This circumstance alone should have been a  very good reason to steer clear, shining armor or not.\u00a0 However, this princess didn&rsquo;t really believe  she was special and therefore she had no will power to refuse a knight in  shining armor&rsquo;s attentions!<\/p>\n<p>I lived as that  imaginary princess on stage for many years during my young adult life.\u00a0 She was the &ldquo;best of me&rdquo; persona I could  imagine and I loved her dearly as she really kept me sane and happy whenever I  was performing in her skin.\u00a0 Too bad I  couldn&rsquo;t have learned a few things from my characterization that might have  helped me during my early quest for romantic love.\u00a0 I know now after many years of mistakes,  heart breaks and more life-lessons than I can count that the love I received  while performing was enabled by my imagined self-awareness and confidence as  Rebaba.\u00a0 However, off stage, my self-image  was completely lacking in confidence, extremely insecure and totally incapable  of recognizing and accepting romantic love.\u00a0  Thank goodness I was able to experience the love my audiences so  willingly gave me during the many years of my professional career.\u00a0 Had I not experienced this love (along with  the love of my family and friends to be sure, but, who were far away for much  of the time I was dancing professionally), I&rsquo;m afraid I might have ventured  into the bottomless pit of drug dependency much sooner than I did.<\/p>\n<p>My complete drug  dependency didn&rsquo;t begin until I stopped dancing professionally and moved back  to my hometown to begin a second career after graduating from university.\u00a0 As I&rsquo;m not yet there in my story, I&rsquo;d rather  continue with a joyful moment while dancing professionally in Los Angeles.\u00a0 To me, the funny and usually one of a kind  shows stand up to time far longer than most others.\u00a0 Therefore, I&rsquo;d like to recount one of the  funniest along with being possibly the best entrance dance I performed at Ali  Baba&rsquo;s in Hollywood.<\/p>\n<p>It was a Saturday night,  standing room only in this rather small and low-ceilinged nightclub built to  look like Ali Baba&rsquo;s cave.\u00a0 Ali Baba&rsquo;s  was one of those incredibly successful Middle Eastern supper clubs that dotted  the Los Angeles area during the 60s, 70s, and into the mid-1980s.\u00a0 I worked the weekends and a couple weeknights  which were equally busy at this time.\u00a0  The band members were all good friends of mine and excellent musicians  who played like angels for me during every show regardless of the number of people  in attendance.\u00a0 <\/p>\n<p class=\"highlight\">However, the truly  magical shows happened with lots of help from a loving, generous and ecstatic  audience that fueled our individual talents and inspired us to higher levels of  performance as a group.<\/p>\n<p> This particular  Saturday night housed just such an audience.\u00a0  I entered to my favorite Egyptian &ldquo;entrance&rdquo; music and to an already  cheering audience who also loved this music as well as my dancing.\u00a0 It was hot, smoky and there was a constant  din of talking and yelling, glasses clinking and breaking, loud laughter and  enthusiastic clapping that blended together to become part of the music and my  show.\u00a0 I danced with all my heart and  soul supported by the flow of energy that felt like warm light and love being  projected by the standing room only audience.\u00a0  The musicians played like mighty lions giving off their own roar of  delight behind me so that I was enveloped by this wondrous energy of happiness  and love.\u00a0 It doesn&rsquo;t happen all that  often that every musical note, beat of the drum and physical movement seem to  merge together to become one.\u00a0\u00a0 When it  happens a magical and unforgettable show is created; and this particular  performance was definitely beginning to feel like one of those special shows.\u00a0 As the music came to a whirling crescendo I  spun myself around the stage ending dead center in a perfectly timed and  executed bow.\u00a0 As the music ended with a  thunderous drum beat, the lights went out as I threw my upper body forward and  down towards the floor in a simultaneous bow.\u00a0  My head went speeding downward to touch my knees when something else  slammed into my face that wasn&rsquo;t me.\u00a0  Yikes, I realized with dread that what had just banged me on the nose  was my bra!\u00a0 <\/p>\n<p>I was wearing one of my  favorite Egyptian costumes that was heavily encrusted with beading.\u00a0 The combination of my extremely fast and  furious bow and the weight of the bra obviously unhooked it at the center of my  back.\u00a0 Thank goodness the bra also hooked  at the back of my neck as that was the only thing holding it to my body.\u00a0 As the lights came up I slowly rose and the  beautiful melody of a violin solo fill the room.\u00a0 I realized that I was the only one in the  club who knew my bra was unhooked because it all took place in the blackout.\u00a0 I couldn&rsquo;t help but giggle at the thought as  I began to move to the music and also position myself in front of the oud  player who was strumming his instrument happily and completely lost in his own  world.\u00a0 I smiled and called out his name  keeping my back to him as I repeatedly asked him to &ldquo; re-hook my bra please&rdquo;.\u00a0 With cabarets open all over the Los Angeles  basin featuring live music and dancers every night, this type of costume  malfunction happened every so often and most musicians can tell you quite a few  funny stories involving missing and broken pieces of a belly dancer&rsquo;s  costume.\u00a0 So, I knew if I could get my  musician&rsquo;s attention he would know what to do\u2026I finally did and he began trying  to re-hook my bra and finally blurted out that there wasn&rsquo;t a hook only a  loop.\u00a0 Well, by this time the audience  was starting to get curious and was realizing something was going on beyond the  obvious music and dance.\u00a0 Therefore,  being the ham that I am, I quickly spun around doing a little dance and showing  the audience exactly what was wrong.\u00a0  <\/p>\n<p class=\"highlight\">They loved it, clapping, laughing and encouraging me to keep dancing  that way!\u00a0<\/p>\n<p> I let the audience know that I&rsquo;d  be right back, bowed to my band as I asked them to keep playing and then I ran  down the stairs and off the stage towards the dressing room.\u00a0 I was followed by my good friends: the other  dancer and singer who were both yelling at me and asking what happened to my  costume?\u00a0 Breathless in the dressing room  I immediately turned around and asked the dancer to fasten my bra.\u00a0 She repeated what I was told on stage that there  wasn&rsquo;t a hook on the bra.\u00a0 By throwing my  upper body into the bow with such force I evidently exploded the hook off the  strap, so now on to safety pins.\u00a0 Trying  to get a safety pin, no matter how big, through thick beading while I was  hyperventilating and laughing at my situation was impossible.\u00a0 Just as I was insisting that the singer must  go on stage and start his number, another friend squeezed into the dressing  room.\u00a0 It was the waitress this time, and  she had something in her hand that she lifted towards me asking if it was  mine.\u00a0 She said she took it from the  middle of the stage floor as she thought it was a piece of pita bread.\u00a0 Well, it wasn&rsquo;t a piece of pita bread at all,  it was the foam rubber push-up padding from the inside of my bra which must  have fallen to the stage floor when I executed that perfect bow!<\/p>\n<h6 class=\"aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/art60\/graphics60\/rebaba\/club2.jpg\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\" alt=\"Rebaba dances in a club\" \/><br \/>\n            Dancing  at Sahara where my second show was a pseudo folkloric number.&nbsp; <br \/>\n            Pseudo in  that I tried to keep my costume more cabaret than traditional then added  something to balance and danced to great Egyptian folkloric music.<br \/>\n          <\/h6>\n<p>\n<\/p>\n<h5>Resources:<\/h5>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<h6><a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/aboutuspages\/RitaRebaba.htm\">Author&#8217;s bio page<\/a><\/h6>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/graphics\/acommentbox.jpg\" alt=\"use the comment box\" align=\"right\" \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"ready4more\">\n<p>Have a comment? Use or comment section at the bottom of this page or <a href=\"mailto:editor@gildedserpent.com\">Send us a letter!<\/a> <br \/>\nCheck the &quot;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/let2ed.htm\">Letters to the Editor<\/a>&quot; for other possible viewpoints!<\/p>\n<p>Ready for more?<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>\t\t\t<!--end ready4more --><\/p>\n<div class=\"articlelist\">\n<ul>\n<li><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">10-1-08<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/art45\/RebabaRemembersNB.htm\">North Beach Memories- Casbah Cabaret, Part I Circa 1973<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Rebaba<\/span><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t  We performed what I have dubbed &#8220;conveyer belt dancing&#8221;, that is three dancers doing three shows each, starting promptly at 8:30 p.m. without stopping until 2:00 a.m., whether we had an audience or not.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">5-6-10<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2010\/05\/06\/rebaba-queen-of-denial\/\">Queen of Denial, A Tale about Life and Belly Dancing, Part 1: The Safety of the Stage<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Rebaba or Rita Alderucci<\/span><br \/>\n                      For many years, the most secure and safe place for me was on stage&ndash;dancing and acting. Performing gave me the security and love for which I yearned (both with and without drugs).<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">9-6-12<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2012\/09\/06\/my-perfect-hiding-place\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"articlelink\">My Perfect Hiding Place, Queen of Denial, Chapter 11<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Rebaba<\/span><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t  Funny as it sounds, the incredible amounts of money we were earning nightly eventually became a burden. <\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">1-29-13<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/01\/29\/rebaba-ch12-queen-denial-iraq\/\" class=\"articlelink\">Have I Left Yet? Queen of Denial, Chapter 12<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Rebaba<\/span><br \/>\n                      Baghdad was the first place I had worked in where a complete communication blackout was ordered (no post, no newspapers, no telegrams, and no telephone access to the general public), and  a mere two weeks after my arrival.  For the very first time since I started traveling and dancing abroad, I was unable to call my parents (and vice versa) to assure them that I was fine regardless of what they were reading in the local newspapers.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">5-6-13<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/05\/06\/rebaba-queen-denia-ch13-back-in-us\/\" class=\"articlelink\">I&#8217;m Back in the U-S-S-A! Queen of Denial, Chapter 13<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Rebaba<\/span><br \/>\n                    My first quarter at Cal-Poly wasn\u2019t nearly as easy for me as finding work belly dancing. I had no idea what I was getting myself into academically when I registered as a business major.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">10-20-13<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/10\/20\/amel-tafsout-sufi-spiritual-world-of-north-africa-trance\/\" class=\"articlelink\">Entering the Sufi Spiritual World of North Africa, Sufi Brotherhoods and Trance Ceremonies in the Maghreb<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Amel Tafsout<\/span><br \/>\n                    &#8230;the Maghreb consists of many Sufi-brotherhoods, often recognized and set through their Zawiyas and initiations. Sufis have always worked toward reform through advice and education of the individual and internal purification through providing a model and example of tolerance, solidarity, brotherhood and selflessness removed from anything that would give a bad image of Islam.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">10-17-13 <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/10\/17\/iana-elena-russia-interview\/\" class=\"articlelink\">Our Rules: Beauty &amp; Professionalism, Elena Ramazanova Speaks About the League of Bellydance Masters<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Iana Komarnytska<\/span><br \/>\n                    We had the pleasure to meet with Elena Ramazanova, president of The League of Bellydance Masters in Russia, artistic director of \u201cRamiza Dance Group\u201d, and a successful dancer and teacher at the open beach party of the Seventh International Belly Dance Festival titled \u201cExpression of the East\u201d in Berdyansk, Ukraine.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">10-15-13<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/10\/15\/tashabanat-defining-belly-dance-today\/\" class=\"articlelink\">Defining Belly Dance Today, Definition by Presentation<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Tasha Banat<\/span><br \/>\n                    For me, the bottom line is that there is no wrong way to present belly dance because what an individual loves in the dance is easy to find.  Everything is so global today!  The dance has morphed into so many forms that if you cannot find a belly dance teacher that makes you happy, perhaps you need to look for another dance..<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">10-12-13<\/span> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/09\/13\/interviews-with-saida-and-yamil\/\" class=\"articlelink\">Interviews with Saida and Yamil A Five Part Video Talk with Two Stars of Argentina, Part 5: The Dance Community of Argentina<\/a>,<span class=\"articleauthor\"> by Lynette, translation by Kalinka<\/span><br \/>\n                    In this section they discuss how well the dance community gets along in Argentina. Hopefully this will help stimulate more talk in our larger worldwide community.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"articledate\">10-3-13 <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/2013\/10\/03\/nisaa-desperately-seeking-shafiqa\/\" class=\"articlelink\">Desperately Seeking Shafiqa The Search for the Historical Shafiqa el Qibtiyya<\/a> <span class=\"articleauthor\">by Nisaa\/ Heather Ward.<\/span><br \/>\n                    Shafiqa el Qibtiyya (Shafiqa the Copt) is known to many practitioners and historians of Egyptian music and dance.  She rose to fame as an entertainer in the salat (entertainment halls) of Cairo around the turn of the century.  Popular dance lore posits that Shafiqa was an early pioneer (or perhaps the originator) of raqs shamadan, the candelabrum dance.                    <\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Queen of Denial, Chapter 14 by Rebaba posted October 31, 2013 I will tell you a story about a young, talented dancer who was a pretty good entertainer and extremely popular in her particular world of professional belly dancing.\u00a0 On stage she was a princess, a sensual and sweet Marilyn Monroe-like STAR.\u00a0 The strong, happy [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[124,92,184,106,193,56,75,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5213"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5213"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5213\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5213"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gildedserpent.com\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}