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HUEY THE CAT

YOO-HOO AND HANK WILLIAms
Gregory Moss

dinner at fancy restaurants and who'll pay for me at the movies and hold the door to let me in.

I want a cat that's handsome and tall with big hands and black hair and a black'leather jacket and looks like Robert Mitchum but talks like
Marlon Brando and who'll walk through the door and make my mom have a fatal HEART ATTACK!

I wanna run through the house screaming and knocking everything down - tear the plastic covers off the furniture!

And jump on your motorcycle and take off across Texas and Ari- zona and drive all night every night nonstop with the hot desert wind
coming through our hair and me and you we just - FUCK like crazy rabbits without stopping! We don't even pull over, just keep going, me
on your lap, pushing on the accelerator, the roads empty and the bike going faster and faster and the moon above smiling and nodding, cheer-
ing us on, telling us "HELL YES!"
(Beat.)
That's the kind of cat I want, Huey.
And you don't really do anything like that.
Do you. Huey?
(Beat.)
Huey, if you are shining or something, I will kill you.
(Beat.)
I have a pretty red dress. I get my hair done. I take care of myself.
I have a voice. r have a body.
I can't see any of it.
I have nothing to do with [hem.

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I don't even know if I am there.
(Beat')
I think, if someone were to touch me - I would know then what
I look like.

What my shape is.
It would prove it.
If he were to kiss me,
then I would know I have lips.
If he whispered in my ear,
I would know then, that I can hear.
If he touched my skin,
I would know then
Comic
Amy, midtwenties to early forties
Amy is speaking to her newly adopted cat, Huey; who will not come from under the couch. She's lonely, single, can't seem to find IJtl1.
companionship, and now even this cat won't get close to her. It's even. and Amy's just gotten home from work.
AMY: Huey?
Huey?
Huey for God's sake!
Huey come here.
Huey, I just - I just want to talk to you, Huey. Come her.
Huey, will you please come out from under there and ju:
over here and talk to me, you stupid cat?
(Sighs. Sits.)

Coo-coo? Meow-meow? Kiss-kiss?
(Beat.)

You peed on my favo rice skirt and I didn't even get mad. Hu.
so good to you! I am like your best friend, Huey, in the world! Y<
even have anyone but me!
But you know what?
I don't even want you, Huey.
I don't.
My mother made me take you when she got her new couch
I never wanted you.
I don't want a cat!
(Beat.)
I do want a cat.
- But I want a different cat, Huey!

I want a cat that's gonna play wth me and sit on my lap.
That's your job, Huey.
I want a cat that's gonna take me out for picnics by the ri-